28 Jan 2004

Sian today is a even stress and angry day.I felt helpless and stupid when i do my practical. I do not know what and how to do. Stupid......Then CK help me and i understand only abit. But i am not a practical person, i think i cannot handle practical alone. After practical, went to play basketball. I play like an angry idiot. Wow a fool playing basketball,haha! I feel angry of myself as i am stupid and lousy in alot of area. So i left the game so that a better player can come in and take my place.......I went to eat Mcdonald with CK. Wow eat double Filet-o-fish meal. Find aplaceEventually, find a place to sit. Suddenly, the lady from the Building and environment department appear and sit jus directly in front of me. I look at her again. Not again.... Heart fly and recapture back by me....No way!!!! After days of flashback, i realise that she look like my Junior college Econ Teacher........So sweet and cute. Straight away after eating, went to lecture. Study the circuit analysis 3 and 4, i wanted to cry and mad about myself. I dunt know anything.... I begin to feel angry and stressed...........Hope diminished and anger rise again. Madness arise and friends begin to isolate me..........I hate this circumstance and wish to runaway from reality and never come back........Anger.......Unhappiness...........Harsh Reality........ So stressed.........Must go rest and run away from reality..........

27/01/04

Today is a peaceful but stress day.CPPB is getting out of my hand and my mind..............It is getting more confusing and difficult for me to handle. I begin to lose interest in my studies......But today, my friends and i went to the newly open cafe in SP to have coffee and snacks after lessons. So comfortable in the cafe and enjoying the moment....What a heavenly enjoyment with my friends. At the foodcourt 1 , i saw the lady whom i see her the fourth time and look so cute. She always daydream when she is eating her food. She got a beautiful smile and a cute face. She is from the building and environment department as she hold a purple landyard. I am loving it but i have to control my feeling even though she is quite attractive to me. My mp3 and USB flashdrive spolit. So sad and need to send it for repair. Emotion control by me and maybe a new hope(target) for me.

26 Jan 2004

Wow i feel quite normal today.Due to i seldom miss her and begin to accept and face the reality. I know it is harsh...I know life have to continue in a new level of hell. I begin to slack in class and lose my memories of the past. Am i going nuts. If yes, i will recover by myself. I try to suit a new environment of my stand now. Hope to be normal and not so emotional again. I will not give my heart to anyone else unless she appreciate it. I was at fault too to be so easily attract to girls..........I am a idiot..........Haha Stupid good-for-nothing. Luckily i have a group of friends....Jackson, tze kent, weisheng, ming feng, C.K Ang, siew herng. I have their moral support Stand up and fight for a new hope for the future of mine

25 Jan 2004

The past 3 days, i have being thinking about my life. Even in my sleep.....I have a total of 13 crush(girls that i like) in my present life. But none go steady with me. I agree that i am desperate for love but if there is no love, i will be corrupted with hatred..I hate the feeling where my heart is like shattered into pieces and it took me time to heal back. I miss them very much but they do not know..........
I think that it is my attitude and my appearance that cause the problem...I shall improve this 2 weakness. I hope the girls that i like,would find their happiness. I hope to find my happiness too.
Yesterday i went to my friend, yuan ming 's house at springleaf. A 3-storey bunglow house.So envy.......I saw my ex-schoolmates from northland and yishun junior college. But i did not talk much to them, i felt i am anti-social. Then one of my crush appeared, i was stunned. Her friends said hi to me.But she did not say anything to me. Well perhaps she hates me but i still have feeling towards her.
I love u...U know? Then we have buffet and lau yu sheng. After that, we went to play poker card.... I lose some money in the gamble but it is for fun....Haha. I left around 10 pm and say good bye to everyone but she did not reply. Sad........But i will not blame her because i was the one in the wrong. Goodbye to her, maybe this is last view of her............Love u........

23 JAN 2004

What boring day i have for today. Many relatives come to my house to visit us. I was woken up and told to wash up to entertain my guests. But after 2 hours later, i went to dreamland again.......ZZZZZZZZZZ...
I was trying to sleep and take time to heal my damn painful wound....Who knows about that? No one knows about how i feel. I try to torture myself by bloating my stomach with food.Haha Guess what happen?
Nothing happened! Drink voka wine to drunk myself but it only help to run away from the reality and go to dreamworld.....Not way i going baCK to the damn history.....GAME OVER? I am not over but a new chapter of life begin here.................Lunar new Year, a season to bloat my stomach.......Haha not funny

22 Jan 2004 (Happy Chinese New Year)

Wow i have a most remarkable reunion dinner last night in my life. That was the most shocking moment, the glass table that my family having reunion dinner on, broke and all the food fall onto the floor. I look below the floor and i see shattered pieces of glass, a mass of destruction and bloody scene. Luckily, no serious injuries, only few cuts on my mother,uncle and grandpa's foot and the steamboat fall and did not spill on anybody.Heng,thanks god for that....Haha We end up cleaning the mess and it took us 3 hours to clean up. Fortunately, most of us had finished our dinner except my mother and the maid....But i treat my mum to eat but she refused...So i cook noodles with the leftover raw food for steamboat for her. After this incident, i realise that life is unexpected, you never know what happen next in ur life.So enjoy your life and be happy. Then i watch the new year eve show........So boring as usual.....Then i took my medicine and sleep at 1 am, 1 1/2 HOUR after medication. Woke up today at 11.30am. Wow a long and good sleep that i have. After preparing to go out to visit my relatives with wearing of my new clothes, so exicited. First i visit my grand-pa and grand-mum and my father's relatives. Then move on to visit my mother's relatives. Then went to my uncle's house to have lunch. Have a talk with them and left his house at 4pm to go to my aunt's house to have dinner. But before that, we went to the buddist temple to pay a visit to my grand-mum who had passed away for almost 20 plus year and never have a chance to see her. Straight after that, we went to our aunt's condo at bukit timah. After the necessary preparation, not again, the steamboat spoilt..Sian 1/2. Went to giant hyperstore to buy a steamboat. wHAT A JOKE! The dinner almost bloated my stomach.....I have alot of food in stomach to digest...Arg......
A family chat which lasted for 2 1/2 hour at 10pm. My baby cousins play and joke with me. So much laughter and fun Suddenly, i begin to like kids.Food still not digested... Then sat my father's car to go home, he speeded from bukit timah to yishun and took only 25 mins to reach home. Finally reach home to wash up and use blog..... Miss someone in chinese new year and wish her all the happiness. What a exiciting and wonderful day i have. I have collected $300 for today but there are still a lot of relatives,' hongbao haven reach my pocket. Tml, a tiring day again...What i expect.. Must sleep this time. Happy chinese new year to everyone that i love and hate.......

20 Jan 2004

Well today is the first day of isolation in class. I act cool and try not to talk if necessary. Wow i feel happy at least i am not provoked by people.........But Anger still corrupt my inner world and hatred may cover my emotions anytime. Well i like to be happy but the whole damn world don't like me......But life have to carry on in my style. I wish all my friends happy lunar new year and enjoy urself in this festival season.
My new year resolutions are the following:

1)Grow taller and fit enough to go to airborne.

2)Maintain my studies well and learn NCC knowledge that i require to have.....

3)Get a unique girlfriend who truely like and understand me.(Perhaps a Junior College girl) Very demanding right

4)Ensure everything go smoothly for this year.

5)Sort out my problems and be happy............

19 Jan 2004

Today i felt angry and pissed off when almost whole class show anger and condemn me one side. Since i hate them.......So angry and PISSED OFF. I really sad for being throw one side. I wish to isolate myself so i can concentrate my emotion and correct my behaviour.I felt lonely and being neglected by whole damn world. But life have to carry on and i am certain that i will be provoked and upset by the class again,i hope i will not do silly thing or driven to mental hospital. i hope that after new year, i will have a brand new world with walking out of my damn world. Madness and hatred have corrupted me and love diminished in me. Am i becoming a emotionless monster if yes kill me first... I almost sad everyday, how can i be happy............Death maybe is a way to solve myself.............I will leave the world when is time for me to go. People who cherish me, please forgive me if i left u all. Hope it will be a blessing to the world and hatred contribute from me will decrease.................World peace and happiness restored. My friends and people who care about me, hope u all will find ur happiness. I am very tired and need a good rest.......................Goodbye old aloysius, can a new one reborn? I hope so....................

18 Jan 2004

Today, i woke up at 12 pm.Wow, so late.heehee.....I bath and ate my lunch. Then i went to clean and tidy up my room. A lot of things were needed to be done. First, i have to clean up my toys. I cleaned 35 wwe figures, a wwe ring and other asso. Then i move on to clean up my marvel hero toys. I took a long time washing my huge 'Hulk' toy. Then i arrange my trophies and certificates of acheivement to allow my relatives to view. Seen so proud but i am not........... It took me 3 hours to finish my chores. So tiring that i rest on my sofa bed and slept again.............. At 4.30pm, then i woke up and went to woodland point to buy new shoes. So crowded when i reach there, i squeeze all the way in and browse around various shoes shop. Finally, i found one pair of idea shoes. It was made of synthetic leather and cost $55 after discount. Then i went to John Little at Northpoint to buy another pair of pant.........haha........After that, i went to eat dinner with my family at the foodcourt. Then at around 9 pm, we went to the giant at ssc. We bought a lot of tibits and new year stuff.........So heavy. Well today is a busy day but still can manage.So late liao........zzzzzzzz....... Time to sleep........Gd night.....................Emotion depend on the person and circumstance.

17 Jan 2004

Today, i was the overall in-charge for the Northbrook NCC training. First, i conducted pt for them which take me 20 mins to fall them in.Damn it. It was my first time conducting pt alone. It was the 5 basic exercise plus running. Almost half the company fall out during pt and prove to me that they really cannot make it for physical fitness. I will make sure they improve their physical fitness by making the pt more xiong.
I talk to the CO and feel that he is alright. But he hand me alot of work include the plan of camp and the planning for this semester.I scolded them and pump them under the hot sun during company level marching. I hate to scold and vent my anger on them but they force me. I really have to put all my heart to improve the unit........After that, we went to Long John Silver to eat. I saw my northland clts and specs.So we have a good talk since we have not meet each other for the past few weeks. Suddenly, they talk about her, the girl i like. They told me that her JC open house on 19 feb, i wanted to go her junior college open house but i dunt dare to go down. I afraid that i feel awkard when i see her. But i still support her by buying the ticket. I was sick for the past 3 days in physical and emotion. I hope that i will recover before new year........I sign off for today........True love is forever...........Emotion never die.................Love always

16 Jan 2004

Today, it was a short day in singapore polytechnic because i only have 3 1/2hrs of lesson. Then in the afternoon, i went to bugis with my brother,Alfonso to buy clothings for new year. I was planning to buy a "evolution" T-shirt but the T-shirt size is not available for me.Sad.....Instead, i bought 2 T-shirt which fit me perfectly and contrast with my new pair of jean. I also bought a cool-style wallet.So happy....However, i still miss someone that i can't possibly forget and felt for even if i am happy. I wish to see or meet her along the street, maybe i am not fated. Perhaps Singapore is too big for me to meet her by luck. Now, i had to plan for the Ncc training for tml for Northbrooks. I hope to improve their attitude towards NCC, their physical fitness, drills and NCC knowledge. I really look forward to work with the Northbrooks NCC unit and the Commanding Officer(CO). With that, i sign off for today. Northbrooks, here i come...................heehee

First entry 15 Jan 2004(Sad)

The first day of entering in my diary, i am very sad due to emotion setback for the past weeks. I like the girl who is caring and mature in thinking.She got a caring and handsome boyfriend, so i wish her and her boyfriend all the happiness that they possibly can get.Since she like her boyfriend so much, i feel touch and feel happy for her. My feeling may dilute but it will never die for her.She stand a crucial position in my heart. Even though it is difficult to get over it, i will get over it and stay stronger than before with my determination and endurance. I luv her..................

Aloysius that is my name. I am a person who is anti-social but like to talk a lot.U can call me Aloy or ALLOY BUT PLEASE DUNT CALL MY CHINESE NAME.