14 October 2004

Things are getting from bad to worse. I cannot concentrate myself to study and i have no motivation and strength to study as setbacks come in and destory me. Why are they haunting me and i very tired liao. What i ever i try, it fail. Is this what i deserve and i give in and get this things. These retributions and setbacks are here to destory me and obstruct my life to a dead end.
In adddition love sick is really toturing me and why can't i stop thinking about her. Every moments, i think about her. It is so sweet and painful. Please setbacks are enough and now all the things want me to pay back. True enough just take my life for the pay. I hate myself forever and i think i should not born on this world. I am here to suffer and cause suffering. If i am able to reverse time, i should become a tree with no worries or sail through the sea in search what is called freedom....


Fear lead you to the dark side and hatred

Retributions are here and i have to accept it.....

What is love?

Love can have many meaning. In my opinion, love is complicated and amazing. True love is hard to find especially u like someone, she dont like u. What is the point of loving someone who will not like u. To me, whan i see my loved one happy and i will feel happy. I may be emotion unstable but i still know best that i really like u and not playing with ur feelings. I love u maybe is a easy sentence but it represent the passion and how crucial u are in my heart and mind. Every moments with u is a privilenge and opportunity to spent with u even though is short. I have gone through so many setbacks even though is hard but with u around. Nothing is immpossible.


But only love can say

try it and walk away

but I believe for you and me the sun would shine one day

so I just play my part pray you'll have a change of heart

but I can make you see it through

That's something only love can do

13 October 2004

The Fluid mechanics test is hard and some i forget and completely dont know how to do. I think i am never study well for that. Examinations coming but my emotion still unstable. I still miss her and i think probably 4 days never talk to her and look at her directly. She trying to avoid and i trying to act cool and think nothing happen. I may seem to be like this but every relationship or admiration i treat it seriously. I hate the feelings of losing something i like especially the girl i really like.

I enjoy every moments spending with her but now is all gone into my memories. They are sweet and i really regret i never cherish it wisely. If i can turn back time, i wish to treat u better and shower with my love.. I never regret of liking u. I am not toying with ur feelings and i am serious. But u seem to be avoiding me and i know all the pain i brought to u cannnot be reverse back. I dont ask for forgiveness but wish u will be happy as ever.

Love is by seeing ur loved one to be happy

Memories are sweet

Your smile and laughter are cutest in my memories

If i am enable to reverse time, i will still like u.

12 OCTOBER 2004

I have being slacking and lose my concentration in myself. She is trying to avoid me and i am trying to play the same way. I maybe too impatience to tell her how i feel and she may feel so blur.

Sorry once again, i hurt u deeply.

But i have hurt myself more deeply by missing her and regreting what i have done.

It is a another knot in my heart again.

Love and relationship are so complicated and hate the feeling............

11 October 2004

15 more days to examinations. I need to switch my self-destruct mode to self-motivated mode.
Last week, i have encountered many setbacks as friends and classmates condemn me, quarrel with parents, fight with brother, old spine injuries and could notconcentrate in both basketball and studies. I did something wrong on the Bbq night and regret it and i regret treating my classmates badly last time. I need to change and wish to face the reality even though with all the setbacks are there. I need a new strength to carry on my life....
I wish i can bring happiness to all the people i know and so i can lead my life with peace. I am a human too and i need to have a healthy life style and love. I really miss her and like her. If u are are reading my blog, i am serious about u. I know last time, i always quarrel with u. U always nag and nag. But i realise ur cuteness and ur beauty only in this semster.

I am sorry i hurt u....

I miss u

I am serious

Please dunt give me cold shoulder

Without u , my life will not be complete............

06 October 2004

Is all finished! I am finished and left with nothing but piles of debris and wounds all over myself. I lose all my things include my health, mind, emotion and many friends. This is what it meant a human revolution has failed. I am a failure of the revolution or the experiment. I deserve it and i have to accept i lose everything. Since it happened in this way, god just take my life away and dunt torture me in this way.

I have lose everything include myself...................

I am a good-for-nothing.................

I dunt wanna my damn life.........

Human Revolution

I devote nad sell my whole life to human revolution. My depression and friends hating me, turn me into a monster without feelings and thinkings. All i know is power and absolute power of a monster to destruct and bring pain to myself and people.

Here come the pain and i am the Game.


I am no longer what i am but a monster with hatred virus in my body.

Mutation and revolution bring a step closer to higher form in life and that is a ...........

G.A.M.E = Giant. Alien. Monster. Elemental

2nd 0ctober 2004

Days and weeks are getting more and more tiring and more sickening. I am too tired and sick of life. Why god give me a life. I hope he did not give me a life in the begining. What pushes life to carry on without any motivation and setbacks keep coming back. They are haunting me. Even worse that all my friends do not even give a damn about me as they think i am a freak. Yes i agree i am a freaky monster and i have lose my humanity. I am being corrupted and infected with the hatred virus. Things are getting more complicated and solutions are far away and not approachable. I am going down..... To hell. I have truely lose my purpose of living. I just hope i can run or keep away from life and reality. I will wait and see what i will become into......

A Freak?

A Human?

I remember everything clearly and my name is the Game......

Human revolution into a monster or a super-human.